I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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