she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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