Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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