god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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