I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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