I love black thongs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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