You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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