and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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