respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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