Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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