I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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