I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize