i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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