whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize