During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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