Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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