Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize