Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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