i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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