is your mom at the bar?
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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