Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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