im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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