If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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