this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize