But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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