So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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