she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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