Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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