i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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