summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize