Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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