he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize