and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize