yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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