dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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