are you still at the devil's house?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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