i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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