Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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