and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize