How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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