Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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