I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
4 words: hood of his car
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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