Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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