in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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