Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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