this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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