At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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