My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
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The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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