Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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