Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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